March 8th 2007
Okay, now I understand why I reserved this space before without writing anything in it... it's for today, when my current PC's need some hardware replacements, I need to write something here that I was suppose to write before, but too afraid that I'll get too emotional at that time... it's still about the past but really it's nothing...
I've liked girls since like I could remember... when I was at kindergarten I remember I used to like this girl named Anindita ahahaha... she's tall and pretty as I recall... but it's kindergarten for God's sake, I can't even spell 'love' yet... well I could, but you know what I mean... then off to the elementary when I met this girls that I also liked a lot... so for almost the whole 6 years I've been liking this girl, except when I liked this other sweet girl... so that makes me rejected twice at elementary. Well you can't call it rejected but when I liked them and they know that I liked them and they won't respond to me... then I've been rejected... coz normally when girls responded well, then they'd give us hope... a little light that shows that maybe she could liked us... I already figure this out since elementary... (hints...)
Then it was around the end of my junior high years... I got like 4 close friends which is all girls, and they called me 'abang' (it's Indonesian for big brother) well, started with this one girl that I used to like but hey! I felt a lot better just by talking with her at school, and almost everyday through the phone... when I didn't call, she'll call me... but we're totally just friends, and then these couple of other girls came out and started to get into my life... talked a lot to them also, and realized that there's a lot of kind of people and lives in this world... but remember, they're still just friends... they know the limits and I know that also. I always do my best to help them when I could, and God knows how many time they've been there for me at that time... I mean, it's funny that I'm like their big brother but ended up always having them talked me out what's right or wrong, ahahahaaa silly me... but with all that, I also get rejected by 2 girls at junior high years...
At high school I still keep in touch with most of those 4 girls, but eventually time kills it all... I only still keep in touch with one, and the one whose come to the same school as I am... but high school's so much fun... I get to know a lot of good friends and of course girls... I had 3 girlfriends at that time (which I already mentioned somewhere in this blog), and they're all beautiful and nice girl... well everyone have pasts, but it'll never go... so might as well just spread it out like peanut butter on a bread right? I leave the past and move on forward, especially when I had my dreams to fulfill... and for the girls that ever liked or even loved me, I just wanted them to be happy... even if it's with or without me... that's what's never change from me, and I'll never will... even if sometimes I jump to my own conclusion and make my own decision, but I knew that that decision is for the best for both of us... but when one of this girls made their own conclusion and/or mistakes, well she gotta take the responsibilities... I'm always total when it comes to girlfriends, but if she took it for granted, then who knows what kind of action that I'm gonna do...
So I just wanna say, with all my experiences with girls rejecting, accepting, using me, and loving me... it's just a darn shame when someone told me that I don't know a thing about girls... that I can't tell the difference between friends and lovers... that I can't tell what's right and wrong when it comes to love thing... it's fine by me when a girl rejected me, but at least she could give me hints, or anything... just like those who rejected me before. I knew that they'll rejected me, but I'm such a thickheaded dude that won't take no for an answer that time, but now I'm different... When a girl rejected me, then I'll move on... so as the words of my friend Pierre would say...
"Tal vez nos veremos en el futuro, pero ahora vamos a seguir con nuestras vidas..."
Seeyah in our funny lives...
~Arno~
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