My funny, romantic and ironic life

Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Please just let me scream...
I used to love to play sports, coz I could just scream as loud as I want to... everytime I blocked a ball or when anything like that happens... but now I didn't play as often as I used to be, maybe I could still scream to a pillow but that ain't cool isn't it? ahahahaaa... but I still wanna scream my voice out... so many stuff I wanna yell loudly... so many problems I wanna shout so that it could reach out to anyone whom I refer to...

I wanna continue but I just woke up coz my throat's really dry and it hurts real bad... man, am I gonna get sick again? it's 5 in the morning just so you know...

posted by Dudut @ 4:31 AM   3 comments
Monday, January 29, 2007
This song's been on my mind
It's a song by Tyrese (yes, the one played at 2fast 2furious...) called "I can't go on"... I know the lyrics's not exactly matched the situation with the person that I'm thinking of whenever I listen to this song, but maybe it's the mellow beat that's been making me think about you...
I'm thinking even if I could control the time, I won't know what to do... coz I needed time to go faster, but I also needed it to go reaal slow..... selfish huh? well, don't even ask or try to tell me what to do... I know what to do, it's just that sometimes my emotions won't let me do what I gotta do...
So if you're in a mellow mood like I do, you should listen to this song... it's Tyrese... I can't go on...

I thought missing you Was only for today
I thought needing you would go away
Why do I see you in everything I do
Why does the sunshine remind me of you

I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life
I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life

Is there anyway
you could love me once again
gotta find a way to bring back my best friend
I'll sing a song for you
with the sweetest melody
please tell me I'll find my baby
cause i cant go on.. no no

I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life
I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life

You make me feel
like I can do anything
now I'm half the man without my baby

I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life
I cant go on baby The feeling is lonely
I cant go on baby feeling I need you in my life
posted by Dudut @ 2:01 AM   0 comments
4... (Elementary School Reunion)
Man, after Rico's wedding, we went home and miraculously, I can't sleep!!! that's why I wrote on this blog at that time, and finally get to sleep at 4:30 in the morning... and with a very lazy waking up, I went to drop my mom at my elementary school... at around 12 I went there also with my sisters and aunt... so I meet some of my old friends... some of them I got bored of, but some of them I really missed... at first I just met Titis, Toguda, MC (chairun), Diah, Ghana, Ruben, and Rizky (bule)... then a few more people came, like Bara and Thiva... I'm still ashamed for not recognizing him sooner, coz I'm like thinking who the hell's that dude, even Ghana who's from a different class with me could tell who's he right away... sorry dude... ahahaa...
We went to some nostalgic trip through the place where we spent 6 years together studying, fighting, crying, and do what kids that age normally do... we went to the backyard where we usually train long jump, which's now just an abandoned ground... we went to the classes that we thought was really scary at that time coz there's an artificial skeleton there... we went to see our old teachers which at that time they're all very tall for us, but now they're shorter than us... we went to see the basketball that was so huge at that time, but now we know that it's not even the official size for the actual basketball court... it was all fun, wished there's more of them coming but hey, at least some of them came right? and we do have some fun... man, I missed you all!!!!!

Man, that's about it... my really2 full weekend, oh, after the reunion I went to watch movie at the theatre with my cousin & sister at 18:35... then it's done... and yet again, miraculously I can't sleep till now... man... -_-

posted by Dudut @ 1:24 AM   2 comments
Sunday, January 28, 2007
3... (2nd Wedding for the day)
Off we go to my friend's wedding, actually he's my sister's ex boyfriend, and we used to be close like this *crossing my index with middle finger*! that's why my complete family, and even my aunt and her family also comes... maybe without him I'll never get to know the game Counter Strike, and I won't meet great friends like Tino, David, Tommy, Fery, Reyga, Bobby, and Yuri, yes that also means you sayurrr... =P the whole CPU team members... and without that I won't be able to work at World Cyber Games every year, and maybe won't have that much interests at computers so that I would take a major like I already did right now...
So when I arrived the place's really crowded, I'm not even sure that I want to queue for the foods, coz it's totally full!!! so first I went to congratulate him and went to see where's everybody at... the first person I met was Reyga, and finally I get to see his girlfriend, ehehehee... after that I try to get some food, while talking to everyone, man I miss hanging out together with them at 9 or 10 o'clock at night after we play, we'd all just sit down at the stairs on the entrance of Ratu Plaza, and talks about games, people, economics, stock, politics... pretty much anything that pops up on our mind at that time... aahhh, the old days... the great stories from them that I liked was that they're all actually academically smart... they all went to one of the most famous university in Indonesia such as UI, IPB and stuff... but get dropped out coz of some problems they did... (Fery recently graduated from UI... finally... =P ) and yet now they're still alive, make a living, even got their dreams... make a living from stuff that they loved the most....... games... it doesn't mean that I wanna do exactly what they did, but I just admire their unique personality, and realize that when you failed, there's another way out... there's no door that can't be opened...

(Left to Right : Dicky, Yuri, Yufin(Fery's gf), Fery, Fery(my sister's bf), Arfi(my sister), David, Rico(my sister's ex), his wife, Titin, Tino holding Lutfi, Linda(Reyga's gf), Reyga, ME!!!, Tommy, Bobby)

So at the end I just wanna say that finally we get to know which CPU member's gonna get married after Tino did, and the answer's Rico... Congratulations buddy, may you live a happy life... anybody wanna bet who's gonna go next??
posted by Dudut @ 10:58 PM   2 comments
2... (Off to the airport)
After the wedding I went straight home... arrived at 2, and leave again to airport at 3... so I got like less than an hour to sleep, and that's exactly what I did... take a nap for like 45 minutes, then I woke up and getting ready... prepare my suite also, coz we plan to went straight to the wedding from the airport... so we went to the airport, and I kinda hated that place... you know, the souvenir shop and the dunkin donuts... I hated it coz when we're there, there's always someone to say goodbye to, and this time's my Grandma and Grandpa... so we bought some food to eat while waiting the departing time comes, takes a lot of good and stupid pictures, just like the ones that's pictured here... lol... and after a few jokes about foreigner here and there, it's time to say farewell to them both... It's always sad to say goodbyes, actually I prefer to stay at home at times like this... but I gotta go anyway coz this might be the last time they came here to Jakarta, so I gotta work hard if I ever wanna see them again... this picture's kinda blurry, but it's a good one for me... it's enough to make me miss them already now, and hopefully I could go to Holland this year so I could meet them... I'm gonna miss them both...
So after that it's too early to go to the wedding, so we go back home first to take a short break, dressed up, and leave again around 7:30 to the wedding...

aww, it's not over yet... still more to come...
posted by Dudut @ 9:57 PM   2 comments
1... (Late sleep and My relative's wedding the next morning)
Okay, so this friday I went to take my cousin from Surabaya go out to look around at Jakarta... and we finished at around 1/2 past 10 coz I gotta take her and her husband to her brother's place at Kemayoran... then I went back home where everyone's gathering for a farewell party to my Grandpa/ma from Netherland coz they'll be going home the next day... and the party finished at around 12 o'clock, and I can't sleep coz I'm chatting with my cousins who's staying at my home for the night... Adam and Dicky... and we talked, eat, and watched TV until it's 3 in the morning, and I finally get to sleep at 3:40... normally it's fine, but at the morning I gotta wake up at 8 to get ready to go to my uncle's wedding!!! so I waked up like a zombie at 8, bath, shave, dressed up and stuff, and we're leaving at 9:15... and I arrived there just about time before the oath taking started... so I watched it... after it's finished I went out with my sister and cousin to find some breakfast... that's right breakfast!!! then we talked a bit about how long will he gone to Germany, and to buy me some stuff, ahahaa... but the interesting part is when he's telling me that he got a plan to get married before he's 25... dude... 25?? this year I'll be 23, and I just decide not to think about it just yet... but if he can do it, then... what the heck?!? go ahead man, break a leg... =P I mean while I just lose faith in my long term relationship, he pops up with this kinda idea... why don't you just grab a mallet and hit my head straight huh?? well I wish him ill, I mean well... and come back soon to be a successful person... and the wedding's pretty nice and just about time I'm gonna get more and more depressed... we're going home... yay!!!

(this's just 1 of many things I gotta do at this weekend which's really exhausting me, and I'm just really freakin tired to continue the post... It's almost 4 in the mornin for crap's sake...) so seeyah on the next post, kay??
posted by Dudut @ 2:59 AM   0 comments
Concentrate and focus!!!
Okay, a few weeks ago I watched on the news how Jason Kidd, playmaker from New Jersey Nets made a triple double and brings victory to his team, while being on a trouble with his wife (I think it's about his wife beating him, or something like that...). Then at wednesday, I laughed at my cousin coz she thinks that in a sport people don't need much concentrate/focus... especially on soccer or in my case, indoor soccer(futsal...).

So at thursday I went to play futsal with my friends, and it started pretty bad for me which also brings the team to loosedom(coz I'm the goalkeeper, just in case...). Maybe coz my body still didn't feel well, or whatever... then we swap teams, and then at the side, I received a message on my cell which really screw my mind at that time, and I don't even realized that it's already my turn to go to the court again...

So I threw my cell to my friend, and went straight back to the court half-minded... my body maybe moved to the goalkeeper's position, but my mind's totally somewhere else... the craziest thing's when my friend Angga was dribbling the ball still pretty far from the goal, but I know that he got a strong shooting power, which he really use... he shoots from almost half court right at me... normally I could at least punch the ball with my hand, or even just dodge it... but at that time my mind's really someplace else... so the ball hits my face REAL HARD!!! then I realized that I'm already at the floor looking at the ceiling............. I'm thinking... "F***!!!" then I woke up pretending it's fine, but actually my head's still kinda tingling up until now...

So for Jason Kidd, I just wanna give you a standing ovation for your professionalism, determination, and courage... and for my cousin, yeah! we do needed to concentrate&focus on sports... look at the mark on my damn head!!!!!

posted by Dudut @ 2:19 AM   2 comments
Thursday, January 25, 2007
If I could...
If I could restart my life... I wanna start knowing you from the beginning... we meet accidentally, then I asked your name, started an awkward conversation and asked for your phone number... started to send you messages, maybe called you sometimes... then when the time's right, (and I have enough guts of course...) I'll ask you out... maybe to eat somewhere, or just to watch a movie... then I'll start to really get to know you better, what do you like, what do you hate, what's your favorite food, what are you afraid of, and so on... and so on...

Or maybe I wanna meet you in a Serendipity kind of way, ahahaha... but maybe that's a little too much to ask right?

Man, I wish things won't be this complicated... from both your and my side...

Whoa, too much babbling... gotta find a job!!!

Seeyah in our funny lives...
posted by Dudut @ 9:55 AM   1 comments
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Imagine being in this situation...
Still the old,stupid and childish me...okay, have y'all ever been in a situation/having a friend being like this?

Let's just my friend "D" is in love with this girl, and after a long process, in a conversation, D said to that girl that he's still in love with her... then that girl told D that he don't wanna be with someone right now... but after that, she also says that she do have feelings to D... so D's confused, and he thinks really hard to decide what to do... after a few headbanging to the wall, he finally decide that he'll just back off from everything, maybe she's better off without him... besides, he thinks that there's like other man that's more successful, and nicer that's also in love with her... coz all D wants is just her to be happy... even if that means him just being her friend, or even disappearing from her live forever... he knows it... coz he's been there, done that...

So he's about to tell her that he's about to back off from her, he's about to give a closure to her... for the second time in his life... (that's right, twice... think you know pain? this is pain my brothers...) but after he says that, she keeps on giving the signal that she doesn't want him to back off... now D doesn't know what to do... the thing that keeps going on his mind was his friend's words... "you gotta think about yourself for a while, stop thinking about other people, be selfish a bit..."

But D can't do it at that time... the more D sees any wrongdoings that this girl have done, the more he wants to be beside her and try to corrects her... even if it keeps on hurting him at this phase... he thinks "sorry, I can't think about myself when the one I love's still being like that..." it's a pretty simple minded way of thinking, but it comes from a pure feeling of respect, care, and love towards that girl...

And he could think that way because.......

It's her...

To other girls he could've just said that he's not an option... "choose me if you want, say no if you didn't!!! no need to leave me hanging like this, I'd rather chasing other chicks than being you backup!!!"
He knew and thinks like that because at some stage that girl thinks that D's making her as his backup... but when the situation's like this, isn't she just the same? making D as her backup? but again, he feels if by being beside her like this at the time could make her feels better... even if at the end she didn't wants D to be her boyfriend, at least he's done his part..... to make her smile lasted just a little bit longer...

Hey, don't be so serious people, it's just me yapping about some story... but you gotta admit, that those two person do have a unique relationship... some friends and few of my relatives told me to make their story a book... hey!!! we still haven't even seen the end yet... is it a happy ending for D? or is it a total fiasco? we'll see in this chapter that I'd like to call... time...

See you in our funny lives...
posted by Dudut @ 12:14 AM   1 comments
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Okay, so I just went to Bandung, it's not a bad city, it's just the history I've had with this place's just terrible... but I went there anyway with my family, considering this might be the last time I could come here with my Grandpa/ma from Holland. So the way there's fine, I made a lot of stupid jokes/comments about unimportant stuff (as usual... ^^ ) just to cheer the whole car up... My cousin's mp3 with the headphone is my best friend there...
I spent lots of time hearing songs that'll make me feel more depressed... maybe that's one more reason why I get more and more annoying there, by listening songs that'll make me remember my problems that I already left behind... basically I'm here to take some time to clear my mind from some of the problems I had, but apparently I was wrong...
Well, so far everything's fine... we arrived at the hotel we're staying in, unload the stuff, and went straight to grab something to eat... but before that I just went to some place to eat where they serve instant noodles and stuff, and I just ate the most delicious onion chicken tasted instant noodle in the world... mean come on! it's just a bloody instant noodle, what difference does it makes if I'm the one who's cooking it?? well, whatever... -_- then we went to find a meal to hold our stomach until the 7:30pm reservation made at Sierra to celebrate my sister's Birthday... yaayyyy... Happy Birthday sis... >-(^_^)-<
After done eating, we went to some Factory Outlet, and guess what?? I'm the one who's buying stuff instead of my oldest sister... ^^ I bought a white jacket... yeaahh!!! Okay, after that we went back to the hotel to pick up the rest of the family, then went to Sierra... The location's kinda far but the place's great, it's got a nice view, and some romantic ambience, and guess who am I thinking about when I'm in a romantic place like this? It's a rethorical question, soo, anyway, the performers that night just can't stop playing Romantic songs... just when we're about to leave, they're playing Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry"... damn man, my cousin said "look out dude, your heart might stop in an instant while listening..." then off I go walking to the parking lot to take the car, so we can leave now!!! ahahahaa... my mom, Grandpa/ma , and my uncle&aunt went straight to the hotel to take a rest, coz they already gone to Ambarawa before here, so it must be a tiring day for them... then we went to a new (is it new?) place called Paris van Java... that place kinda like Cilandak Town Square (i think), but it has a 9 Studio Theatre (I forgot what It's called, but yeah it looked good despite my disappointment that we didn't go to watch a movie there, but it's fine coz I get to meet my friend Adit "Ting-ting" (it's a name...), it's kinda weird to meet your Jakarta friends in Bandung... ^^ so all we do was just taking a lot of pictures while my dad talks with one of the head honcho of Manchester United Cafe... hell, Arsenal rulezzz!!!!! after that we went back to the hotel... at night everyone went back to sleep, but I stayed outside listening musics while thinking about stuff that's been driving me crazy, when suddenly there's a loud voice coming through my headphone... at first I thought it's just a motorbike coz it went through my headphone, but it's different so I take it off then I heard the voice of a woman talking to her cellphone in the room right next to mine... and she's talking english with malay/indonesian accent which sounds ridiculous, and she keeps talking I love you, I need you... eventhough you have a husband... then I thought "what
the...?" maybe she meant wife but hell, it's more fun if she really does meant husband isn't it? Then my oldest sister go out and join my eavesdropping, ahahahaa... well, then she goes in and I also comes in at around 1/2 past 2...
the next day my oldest sis goes home with my uncle&aunt, and grandma/pa, so the rest of us go out and pick up my sister's friend and went to find some shoes for my sis's boyfriend... and I found some shoe's that I've been looking for in Jakarta... It's a skate shoes, Adio, Emerica, and even there's Nike Skateboard, damn... but then again, no money T_T so I just stayed outside the whole time, drooling... after it's done we went to buy some gifts, and went to one last place for me... Planet Comics, yeah baby!!! I've been wanting to see this place for years, and when I got there... I feel like a cat thrown to seaworld... wanting so much, but don't have much cash left... but I still bought some of the stuff I wanted, and that makes me the one with most stuff to bring back home... HOME!!! after that we're hoomeee!!!
posted by Dudut @ 1:06 AM   1 comments
Friday, January 19, 2007
A little story to share
Okay, enough with my personal problems... I just wanna share a little something to anyone who's reading this blog, and as a reminder for me personally to never forget about my family...

My Grandmother's old, she's like in her 80's I think, and she forget stuff like instantly... so she could asked the time to me like 5 times in just 3 minutes... I'm doing my best to not be angry and stuff, coz I know if anything happened to her, I'll burst out to tears instantly... so almost every day/night she could asked "where's Grandpa?" and it really hurts me just to answer with "He's already gone, Grandma..." everytime... her husband (my Grandfather) already passed away years ago...

so, let me asked you this... what'd you feel when you asked somebody "Where's ___?" (fill the blank with the person you love) and they tell you that he/she's already long gone... then you'll be sad, you'll think about the funeral and the loneliness that you will/going to face... sometimes even drop your tears remembering the old days you have with him/her, the happiness, joy, and fun... and just about time you could accept it, you totally forgot all about it, and asked again... "Where's ___?" then you gotta started all over again... the pain, hurt, the whole five stages of grief... denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance... but just when you're about to finish half the stage of acceptance, you'll forget all of it again, and started again, asking... "Where's ___?"

what'd you feel? being in the wheels of grief... there's no way out and you'll just suffer from it, every single second... what'd you feel??

so I'm just sharing this story to let everybody knows that some people is feeling an endless pain like this, so stop whining and keep on living...
"If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger..." (I love this sentence...)

and for my Grandma, I'll do my best to help you, and comfort you on any situation... I love you with all my heart, this post's for you, and you only...

Your Grandson

posted by Dudut @ 12:02 AM   2 comments
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I know it's weird but...
Well, the title said it... I know it's weird but I'm gonna post something that's totally 100% different from the previous one, and the difference's not even 24 hour... heck, if I wanted to I could just delete the post before (yeah, like there's anyone reading this blog...), but there's no value in that right?

but one might wonder what makes you change dude? what's the secret?

no big secret... it's just a thing that you call friend... this friend of mine did whatever a best friend could do... stay beside me, yell at me, get mad at me sometimes, and the best part is keep telling me the right thing no matter how I feel... so from deep down inside, I just wanna say thank you... and apologize if I brought much problems lately, and sorry if I didn't help much lately because of my endless problems...

so, the result is... I'm back to the old me...
I'm tired of being everything I hated, and everyone I despise...
I'm tired of waiting in vain...
I'm tired of doing, thinking, and dreaming about things/people that won't return anything back to me...
I'm tired of feeling like talking to a wall... or like a dog chasing a bone...

whenever y'all need me I'm still gonna be here, still the same old me... everything's the same... and I mean everything is the same... just keeping some stuff in the closet... (eventhough I don't know if someone's gonna open up the closet sooner or later)
this friend of mine told me to think about myself for a while, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do... I need to focus about myself for a while...

I know deep down inside, my feelings still the same... still wanna know, still curious, still some unclear problems... but at least for this week, I'm gonna do sumthin for myself...

last but not least, to this close friend of mine... 1000x thanks to you...

I'm still me
Still Arno...
Still Dangerous...
Still The Everloving Browneyed Fellow...

posted by Dudut @ 11:20 PM   1 comments
This's enough

Okay, just by posting this lyrics must be enough to tell what I'm feeling right now... It's "If You Really Love Me" by Stevie Wonder...

"If You Really Love Me"

And if you really love me won't you tell me..
And if you really love me won't you tell me..
And if you really love me won't you tell me..
Then I won't have to be
Playing around

You call my name
Oooh so sweet
To make your kiss incomplete
When your mood is clear
You quickly change your ways
Then you say I'm untrue
What am I supposed to do
Be a fool who sits alone waiting for you

But if you really love me won't you tell me..
But if you really love me won't you tell me..
And if you really love me won't you tell me..
Then I won't have to be
Playing around

I see the light of your smile
Calling me all the while
You are saying baby
It's time to go...
First the feeling's alright
Then it's gone from sight
So I'm taking out this time to say

Oh if you really love me won't you tell me..
Oh if you really love me won't you tell me..
And if you really love me won't you tell me..
Then I won't have to be
Playing around no
Playing around no
Hey yeah
Goofin' around no
Oh baby
Playing around no
Let me know how you feel baby
Hey oh baby
Playing around no

man, I hate being hanged up to dry like this... maybe she's busy or needed some times, at least that's what I think... coz if not you could've just said no... I accept no as an answer... I'm a man you know...
ahahahaa... anybody got any good idea to kill some time while I'm waiting...? anyone?

posted by Dudut @ 12:40 PM   0 comments
Monday, January 15, 2007
Yet another tiring day...
I'm really tired... don't even wanna think about the stuff that's in my mind right now... One thing for sure to do tomorrow... finish up then send my application...

I already predicted that tomorrow's gonna be another annoying&boring day, but I'm still hoping something would change all that... I know maybe I'm hoping in vain here, but hey... even a cat could dream for a bigger bowl of milk, right?

last thing to say, again I wanna say to all womankind for being the most unpredictable living being in the world... when they say yes, does it mean no? when they're quite do they expect us to speak or do anything? or they just wanna be alone? do they expect something from us? why did they do that? did she know what it means when she did that? etc, etc, etc...
and that's just one of the simpler problems... don't even try to figure out what they're thinking about... hohohoo, even nostradamus would shoot his head for this one...

seeyah tomorrow...

posted by Dudut @ 11:31 PM   0 comments
Sunday, January 14, 2007
A man's choice...
"A man's always have a choice", so said a lot of people...

but what we didn't know is on every choice there's always so many other factors involved... should I do that? is it right? is it wrong? etc, etc, etc... some ignorant ones would think it's just some lame-bitch-ass-excuse... but it is true, there's so much to think about...
when you see it in a movie or books, it always ended up being the right decision for him to take... we'll never know what'd happened if he'd take the other choice...

so maybe soon I gotta take a few big choices in my life, and I just wanna add some to the phrase into

"A man's always have a choice... right or wrong, we'll live the consequences"

posted by Dudut @ 4:22 PM   0 comments
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Tiring day...
This is one hell of a day... I don't even feel like writing... but as I said before... a blog a day, keeps the psichiatrist away...

today started okay... a little rough in the middle, but it ended just fine... back to the stuff I wrote on my previous post, there's some part that's already proven right... the stuff about ladies to think about men's feelings... damn right it's real, and it's not even a girl that I have a crush on, it's a really close friend of mine... so if you want some prove, just ask me and I'll show you someone that's already did the exact same thing that I wrote... sometimes you gotta talk... we ain't mind reader... ahahahaaa... gotcha right there pal... =P

anyway this friend of mine just said that I did something bad, terrible, and unbelievably wrong... (damn you for this...) but as I said before, I never regret my feelings...

soo, too tired, just wanna write a part of the verse from the same song that I post previously, it's kinda nice, soo... read away...

I prayed my last days of sunshine
Just die in the rain
Kinda selfish
But I know that dying
Eases the pain
Heartfelt words
Spoken hurt
Provided the frame
For the picture I done painted for the master to explain
So I leave behind my testimony
Witness to give
Far from holy
But this matrimony provided the script
To live on
And live by
Grow up and grow on
Get on and get by
So forth and so on

posted by Dudut @ 10:47 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Ever feel like you don't understand someone?
a blog a day, keeps the Psychiatrist away... ahhahaa...

It's a tiring day, I may not find things that I'm looking for, which's kinda crumbled me a bit... but I won't stop now... coz I know live sucks when you don't have a target... so I refuse to become another one of those "Lone Ranger" crap... but even a "Lone Ranger" got a job, at least he's a "Ranger" with the loneliness aside... if I'm about to be alone again, I'm gonna need something to put behind my "Lone" status... I'm not giving up... not this time... so please wish me luck, and for someone close to me... I know there's something wrong here, but I needed your support... so please wish me luck also...

Soo... back to the title, did y'all ever feel like that? anyone... your friend, or maybe it's easier to picture it with someone that you think you had a crush with? One time they say A, then they say B... continue with C and ooohh with the trivia and puzzles... so much ambiguous things'll pop in your mind... for me, I'd rather take a multiple choice questions with options up to J... but I like the thrill... there's so many possibilities... what does she really wants? could it happen? is it me that she's thinking about? do I ever crossed her mind? do I even have a chance? does she likes me? would she say yes? what if I did something wrong? what if things didn't happen the way I imagine? What if she loves someone else? what if we were meant together? what if I made a mistake? would she forgive me? if she's angry could I calm her down? if she's sad could I cheer her up? when she's lonely could I be there for her? if she falls would I be able to lift her up and say "don't be sad, don't be shy, don't be scare... cause i've got your back anytime, anywhere, for God knows how long..."?

I know I use the word 'she' here, coz the truth is most of the problems in my head comes from a girl... maybe they don't even realize it, but it's okay... it's my feelings that made me like this... so it's my own fault... and I don't regret it... I never regret my feelings...

At the end, sometimes I just wanna say to all the ladies out there, please be more sensitive... think about the persons close to you, I want you to think about everything... before you said anything, ask anything, or do anything... cause for any actions there's an equal opposite reactions... that's just human nature... think about us a bit... re-think about it... sometimes it is hard to do, but in some cases, do tell that person... cause we're not mind reader... does he feels anything towards me? should I take a distance? did he like me? should I give him a chance? if I reject him would he hate me? what's his problem? why is he so annoying? should I slap him? could he stop calling me? did he still love me? is it wrong to treat him like this? did we get too close? does it looked like I'm giving him a hope? what should I do?

we may look tough but we still have a heart which is exactly the same like yours... fragile... so please... handle it gently...

now that's a weird one to read... but don't take it too serious kay? ;) so now, let me just give you all my version of a classic song by Sting "Englishman in New York" which i rewrote, and now it's called "Indonesian in New York" ahahaaa...

Don't drink coffee I drink water dear
And I love waking up late
You can see it in my actions when I'm mad
I'm Indonesian in New York
See me walking down 6th Avenue
With my head looking around
You can see it when I walk
I'm Indonesian in New York
I'm an alien
I'm a legal alien
I'm Indonesian in New York

See Y'all Later...
posted by Dudut @ 7:42 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
I Can't Do Anything About It...
There's a lot in my mind that I wanna throw out... so much to think about, so much to do, so much to say... I know it's kinda funny hearing this from an unemployed person like me(especially the "much to do" part...), but it's for real!!! I said to my sisters that I'm stress free... (means I'm stressed, so I'm free to do anything...)

  • There's something I wanna think about, but I can't... I know it's not the time yet... it's waay off the time... man, I can't even think about some stuff...
  • There's something I wanna do... thank god, hopefully I'm doing this tomorrow...
  • There's some other things I also wanna do... but as I said before... it's still not the time yet... time's spinning kinda slow for me these days...
  • There's something that I wanna talk about, but it's also too soon...
  • There's this one thing that I really wanna think about, I really wanna do something about, and I really wanna say something about it... but The reasons are said above...

My point is... I know I'm an impatient person... but this time I realize that I really gotta take it slow... I know it sounded selfish, but I'm really in a messed up condition... plus having all of this stuff with my body not feeling well... arrghhh... so for everyone in my life(family, friends, close friends) I just wanna give this chorus for you all... taken from a song by Miri Ben-Ari featuring Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine to the Rain...

Sunshine to the rain
When it comes it goes again
Even when the story ends
Just turn the page and begin again
Sunshine on cloudy days
Don't hate me I'll never change
Thankful I was made this way
Your sunshine for cloudy days

See y'all soon...
posted by Dudut @ 10:36 PM   0 comments
First Post!!!
So I tell my friend that my blog would have a subject like comedy or stuff... but obviously it won't happen on this one... just like the title, this combines all aspect of my live... funny stuff, romantic and even ironic ones...

so, for this first post i'll just start with a short one... i wanna ask to anyone reading this post of mine...

"if you only have one chance to talk in your live... just one huge shout and the whole world will hear you just for that one time... they'd stop for a while to think about what you just said... just one word... what would you say??"

now i 'd guess that some people'd think some cool words like Mel Gibson said in Braveheart... "freedom!!!" or something like that...
but I'll go with writer of Graphic Novel which i got this question from.....


taken/hugely inspired from Inhumans Vol.2 Graphic Novel Written by Paul Jenkins, Illustrated by Jae Lee... Inhumans created by Stan lee and Jack Kirby...
posted by Dudut @ 12:06 AM   0 comments
Isn't live feels better with those three elements?
About Me

Name: Dudut
Home: Jakarta, Indonesia
About Me: I'm what I am... currently thinking of stuff that I can brag about... =P ahahahhaaa... but mainly i'm just a regular guy with some special things up my sleeve, who's trying to find a living for my current and future family...
See my complete profile
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